


A Marriage of Inconvenience

by Tassledown



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Cousin Incest, Deliberate Starvation, Family Issues, Forced Marriage, Hallucinations, Multi, Psychological Torture, Sleep Deprivation, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, so many issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 14:49:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18448802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tassledown/pseuds/Tassledown
Summary: Sirius doesn't want to go home for Christmas in his fourth year, but he didn't anticipate being ordered to marry his cousin upon arrival. His family, however, is not going to take no for an answer - from him, or from Bellatrix, no matter what it takes to change their minds.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my friends for encouraging me to write this.
> 
> I am largely operating off primarily book canon and manipulating the extended canon as I see fit. Some ages have been modified accordingly. I don't think anything else is of note.
> 
> [ETA: Story changed somewhat as of May 15th, with updated content/extra details, so as to tie into later fics that will make it a series.]

Sirius would’ve given anything to be staying at Hogwarts that Christmas, but the owl he’d received telling him he was coming home had been explicit. If he had tried to stay, his mother had threatened to send his grandfather Pollux to Hogwarts to retrieve him. Given how fond Grandpa Pollux was of his curses, Sirius felt it was less likely to get someone else hurt to just show up himself.

Most likely the reason for the explicit demand was that Lucius Malfoy – young, recently graduated, settled in his own position in the Ministry of Magic now that he was out of school a few years – had accepted their offer as a potential husband for his first cousin, Narcissa. If so, there was likely to be a party, a great deal of formal dinners (which would, at least, have decent wine at them) and then possibly even a wedding before the end of the holiday.

“Well if you manage to get away for a little while you know you’re welcome to come by my place instead.” James made a face at him from across the train compartment, staring up at the ceiling and cursing down the paper airplanes they’d enchanted earlier on the trip.

“Yeah, I do. Thanks.” Sirius kicked back in place and tucked his hands behind his head, trying not to think of the end of the trip.

“I hope they’re moving out of your house when they marry. Can you imagine, having to live with Malfoy?”

“I try not to. I almost liked Narcissa,” Sirius made a face as he admitted it. “She wasn’t bad.”

“Have you heard from your other cousin? The one you said ran away with a muggle-born?”

“Andromeda? No. I doubt I’d get the letter if she tried. I think they were considering marrying _her_ to him first, so can’t really blame her can you?”

James looked at him. “Isn’t she older than him, though? She wasn’t even still at Hogwarts when we were starting.”

“Most women are in the family.” Sirius shrugged. “Guess it’s a tradition?” He stared out the window at the frozen ground and didn’t continue. James was soon distracted, and all too soon the train arrived in the station.

It was Grandpa Pollux waiting for him. Sirius waved to James and resigned himself to the unpleasant trip home.

“No trunk?” Pollux grunted.

“What would I need it for?” Sirius snapped back. He had a backpack with his textbooks for homework, but he had enough robes and quills left at home not to bother.

His grandfather grabbed his upper arm and pulled him off the station platform. He nearly dragged him all the way around the corner until Sirius stopped and refused to walk further.

“Let _go_ ,” he hissed. “Aren’t we waiting for Reggie?”

Pollux stopped but his eyes flicked up to the muggles around them before he, reluctantly, let go. “No. Narcissa is waiting for him. You’re coming along now.”

Sirius knew he was going to pay for arguing with him later, but he didn’t care. He also didn’t ask any other questions. His whole family acted like this; it wasn’t even about his House in the first place, that detail had simply become a good excuse.

“Around the corner,” Pollux snapped, pressing a hand to Sirius’ back to make him walk ahead, where he could keep him in sight. When they’d passed out of sight of the street, Pollux grabbed his arm again, this time to drag him along when he disapparated to the family home.

He arrived in the park outside the house and let go, leading the way into the house now that there were few options for Sirius to escape to. Dragging his backpack further up his shoulders, Sirius followed his grandfather inside with a feeling of dread.

The door shut behind him and Sirius took two steps forward before Pollux turned, brandishing his wand, and threw him backwards into the door. Sirius’ head collided with the heavy wood and he fell forward onto his hands and knees, too dazed to keep his feet.

“Pollux?” his mother called. “Are you both home, now?”

“Yes, Walburga.” Pollux answered. “We’ll be in in a moment. Get up.”

Sirius pushed himself to his feet, his head throbbing, and grit his teeth until the nausea passed. “Can’t I throw my bag in my room.”

“Leave it on the stairs.”

He gestured with his wand still in hand, and Sirius knew he was itching to use it again if given an excuse. He skirted his grandfather as best he could in the narrow hall and dropped his bag before descending the steps into the dining room.

He got an unpleasant suspicion something was up when he saw all the adults who lived in the house gathered around the table – his mother and father, uncle Cygnus and Druella, and grandfather Arcturus. Having more than two family members to a room for any extended period of time risked a fight. The only people missing were his cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa, and his little brother.

“Why’s Narcissa bringing Reggie home?” Sirius asked. Bellatrix was usually off with her friends, probably doing something illegal, but Narcissa had always been a good daughter.

“They don’t need to be here for this.” His father glanced briefly up from the Daily Prophet, then folded it shut as Pollux shut the door.

“What ‘this’ is it, then?” Sirius stayed by the door until Pollux put his hand to his back again. Sirius stepped up to the table to pull out a chair and sit, to make him stop touching him so damn much. “I thought we were gonna be doing something about her wedding.”

“Her wedding doesn’t need more planning,” Druella said. “The Malfoys agreed to a summer ceremony. It will be quite nice, they offered their grounds for it.”

“Great. So what did I need to come home for?”

“With Narcissa married, we have to decide what to do about you.” His mother gave him a look like he was something nasty that had turned up on the carpet. “In spite of how much you’ve done your best to make that impossible. No one from a good family will have you, not with how you behave!”

“He spends quite enough time with the Potter boy, they’re not a bad lineage,” Uncle Cygnus retorted. “If only he’d been a girl...”

“If only!” Sirius’ mother gave her brother a scandalized look. “Have you _heard_ how they behave at school? He encourages him!”

“I don’t bloody well care if I get married!” Sirius snapped. He started to rise from his chair, but his father stood up and pushed him back down to it, stepping behind him to hold him in place by the shoulders. Sirius tried to squirm free but gave up when he noticed Pollux watching him again. “Why don’t you bother with _Bella_ first? She’s almost twice my age already!”

“That’s precisely why we’re bothering with you now,” Druella said firmly. “She’s refused all her other suitors so far and we’re quite done waiting. You can marry her and it will deal with the problem of you both.”

Sirius gaped at her. “Like Hell I will!”

Druella gave him a scandalized look; his mother clasped her hands on the table and looked down her nose at him. “This is not up for debate.”

“She’s my _first cousin_! We’ve grown up in the _same house_ together!” Sirius snapped. “At least you and dad were _second_ cousins!”

“It is not ideal but you have both ruined your chances at anything better,” his father shrugged. “We have made our decision.”

“Does she know yet?”

“Bellatrix has been summoned home and should return in the next two or three days,” Cygnus answered. “She will be informed of our decision when she arrives.”

“She’s not going to agree,” Sirius crossed his arms stubbornly. “We don’t agree on almost _anything_ , how the Hell do you think we’re going to get along?”

“That is irrelevant,” Pollux said. “You two are going to marry, regardless of your petty objections.”

“I think my choice of wife is more than a petty objection!” Sirius snapped. “Just because all of you hate each other–”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence, as Pollux’ wand gave a little twitch and suddenly there was no air in his lungs. Sirius choked and leaned forward, grasping the table for balance as his lungs burned; he tried in breathe and his throat convulsed on empty air. His knuckles were white on the table until the spell ended and he gasped in air, choked on it, and coughed violently. His father pulled his shoulders back against his chair and he closed his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“You will not insult your family like that,” Pollux said. He sounded bored, and a little impatient, as though he’d done nothing more interesting than interrupt him. “You will stay in your room until we have your cooperation, however long that takes to secure.”

“I have to go back to school,” Sirius said, weak with hope. He stayed braced against the chair, shivering still with lingering pain.

“Children fall ill over holidays,” his mother said. “It would be a pity were you to be among them. You clearly wouldn’t be in any state to return to Hogwarts until you were better.”

Sirius clenched his teeth, feeling sick all over again. It wasn’t from the lingering pain in his head, or the dry ache in his throat, but a certainty that there would be nothing anyone could do if his family told the lie.

“Orion, please see your son to his room,” Pollux said. “Assuming Arcturus has it clear?”

“What I could remove of it, yes,” Grandpa Arcturus said. “I’ve told you before you should’ve had a better lock on your library, he’s gone and made several of those dreadful posters permanent – but the clock and his own books are gone, yes.”

Sirius’ father took hold of his arm and pulled him up from the chair, holding him firmly as much to steady him as keep him moving. He didn’t try to fight; there was no point, not with his back turned.

As the last words exchanged in the dining room had warned, when he got to his room there was almost nothing in it – not even his blankets remained. His mattress was bare, although he still had his robes in his closet. The curtains on his window were drawn and he suspected were stuck closed. His backpack had vanished from the bottom of the stairs as well – taken by Kreacher, no doubt, to wherever the rest of his belongings has vanished.

The door locked behind him as he stepped inside, and then he was alone.

It would be too much to expect that was going to last.


	2. Chapter 2

He estimated he had about two hours alone before the door was unlocked and his uncle stepped inside and closed it behind him. Sirius looked over at him and sat up in bed.

“Well. Have you given it any thought yet?” Cygnus asked. He didn’t wait for Sirius to reply – likely guessing from his expression it wasn’t going to be helpful – and carried on. “Look, I understand you feel a little unprepared for this but you will get used to it. I promise it won’t get in the way at school, it didn’t affect mine. Especially as Bellatrix is already done with hers.”

“She’s twelve years older than me,” Sirius pointed out. “She’s almost _twice my age_.”

“You’re irresponsible,” Cygnus said bluntly. “Marrying someone older than you will be good for you. Stabilizing. You both need to learn to take some responsibility for your duty to this family!”

“Yeah, sure. Your wife’s only five years older than you,” Sirius snapped. “So, she was eighteen and barely out of school when you were married!”

“You are obsessing over foolish little things rather than think of what you owe us!”

“I owe you _nothing_!” Sirius screamed and got to his feet, only to be knocked back to the bed by Cygnus.

“Be silent!” he snarled.

Sirius opened his mouth and realized he couldn’t speak, although not, this time, for lack of breath. He sneered at his uncle and dropped back on the bed to stare at the ceiling once more, doing his best to ignore him.

Cygnus continued to talk, remaining by the door and imploring him at various points to think of his family and to stop being selfish. After what felt like hours, he finally left and Sirius closed his eyes. He hadn’t eaten much on the train home, and he had the suspicion he wasn’t going to have anything to eat in the near future either. Hunger was gnawing at him, but he ignored it, hoping it would go away soon. It always had before.

As he’d feared, his curtains were spelled shut and also they had done something to his window so the light in his room never changed. He had no idea how much time had passed since they locked him in, and no idea how long it was before Arcturus came in, or until he left.

After Arcturus, it was Pollux again. Sirius had turned to face the wall after Arcturus left and changed into his robes; he considered staying facing the wall, but the only thing worse than getting Pollux’s attention was waiting to be hexed from behind. He turned and sat up, wincing as he did so.

“Well?” Sirius grimaced at him. “What’s your position gonna be?”

“I don’t think I have any interest in negotiating with a willful child,” Pollux said. “You do not need convinced, you just need to learn.”

Sirius opened his mouth to object, then swallowed as Pollux sent a spell at the door, his head spinning in fear. He licked his lips and looked up to see an almost hungry look on his grandfather’s face.

He didn’t know the spells he used. Pollux was fond of both voiceless magic and an extensive range of curses. He left Sirius on the floor, drenched in sweat and hoarse from screaming, with bright, flashing lights in the corner of the room and random noises that kept him unable to rest or fall asleep. He managed to retreat to his bed again, his arms around his knees, and wait.

It was a long time to wait.

His father brought him water, that night, then broth the next morning. He accepted both; they were hardly likely to poison him, and there was little point in drugging him when the lights and noises were disorienting enough. It was almost a relief when one of his relatives came into the room, purely because they stopped the flashing and the noise for the duration they were there.

He knew when Bellatrix had returned by Cygnus’ mood when he came to see him after; his usually fairly mild uncle came in and cursed him rather than speak; only when Sirius was face-down on the floor did he start to rant about how he’d come to deserve such ungrateful family and where he’d gone wrong.

Sirius started to laugh. Cygnus fell briefly silent and waited for him to finish before he asked, “What do you think is funny about this?”

“I don’t know how on earth you can’t figure out what might’ve made us both hate you so much,” Sirius pushed himself up weakly to look at him with a crooked smile. “None of you has ever been the slightest bit cruel, have you? We have nothing to object to at all.”

Cygnus took two steps forward and slapped him, hard enough to make Sirius’ ears ring. He grabbed his hair and dragged him up to his feet, throwing him into the wall with a snarl. “I am sick to death of your lip. I don’t know how you’ve held out so long but I promise you, you will regret this every day of your life.”

Sirius spat in his face.

Cygnus blinked, slowly, then let him go and stalked out of the room. The door didn’t fully shut, bouncing open and hanging ajar as Cygnus called for his father to come.

If he could just stand...

Sirius pulled himself up by the headboard on his bed, shaking with the effort required. He hadn’t really realized how sore he was before; his body seemed somewhat remote to him the last few days – he assumed it had been days, each time his relatives traded out felt like a few hours, and once they were repeating it had to have been a day, right? Asking something specific of himself suddenly made him aware of how hard it was to pull it off.

He managed to stagger to the door of his room and look out, braced on the doorframe, before Pollux had responded.

Hiding on the attic stairs, Reggie was looking down at him, his face pale in the dim gaslight of the hall. His eyes flickered down the stairs, then back to Sirius.

“Don’t do it,” he said. “Where would you even go?”

“How long...?” Sirius asked, then coughed, hoarse.

Regulus hesitated. “...five days. Bella got back last night.”

Five days. He’d thought it’d only been four. He closed his eyes and his head swam with exhaustion, the floor nearly pitching under him, even though he knew he was standing still.

Well, he assumed he was standing still.

Where even could he go? The only person he could even try would be James, and he didn’t know their floo address. The only connected fireplace in the house was all the way in the dining room. He could try to get out to the Knight bus...?

He was still wondering at the door when Pollux came up the stairs. He stared at him coming for a few seconds before he really registered it was real, but he’d known it was too late to escape the moment he’d seen him. His grandfather stopped just outside his door and stared him down.

“Back in your room.” His tone was almost gentle.

Sirius backed up on reflex, as though distance was ever any help.

“I take it Bella’s back?” Sirius asked. “I don’t get the feeling she’s been any more cooperative than I was.”

“You will both come around,” Pollux said. “But I am quite done with your attitude.”

Sirius stared at him as he raised his wand, too exhausted to care what he might do. There was no flash of light, just –

His throat, already sore, felt like someone had filled it with broken glass; his bones were burning, his skin flashed hot then cold, so rapidly he thought he’d break open. Lights flashed before his eyes, but he didn’t know if they were open or closed; the shifts stabbed deep inside his head, over and over, until suddenly – it was gone.

He was shivering, flat on the floor and soaked in sweat again. Distantly, he knew what had happened, but he was so tired, he –

The pain hit him again, and he knew nothing else for an eternity; then, nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius woke up on the floor, with every muscle screaming. His skin was tacky with sweat, and when he tried to move his arms shook too hard to take his weight. He didn’t know how long he’d been there, unconscious, but it wasn’t long enough for his body to recover – or maybe he was too weak.

How long had Reggie said it had been? Five days? Without decent food or sleep – he was pretty sure passing out from pain didn’t count. Now that he’d woken, the lights and noise were both back and each time it went off he felt his eyes burn with exhausted tears.

Sometime after he’d woken, his door opened and his father came in with another mug.

“Can’t get up?” he said.

Sirius tried again; he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, but he could barely lift his chest before his arms gave out beneath him. He swore into the floorboards and closed his hands into fists.

He heard the cup set down, then his father pulled him up from the floor to brace him against the wall and his bed.

“Drink.”

Sirius tried to take the cup, but his father didn’t give it up completely – likely out of disbelieving he could hold it himself. He did his best not to look at him while he drank. To his surprise, the cup contained tea and honey, not broth or water. Moments after he swallowed, the raw feeling in his throat faded, and then vanished on the second drink.

“What did you give me?” Sirius looked up, finally, and glared.

“A mild healing draught. Your grandfather was a little overzealous. We need you in a state fit for your wedding before the end of school break if it comes up.”

“Overzealous?” Sirius snorted and started to laugh. “Is that what that was? Just a little _overzealous_ use of the Cruciatus curse, yeah, sure!”

He mastered his laughter before it became hysterical and tried to take the cup again; his arms shook, but he had some grip strength back already. His father let go, but didn’t actually move further away. Sirius leaned as much as he could into the bed away from him, but after a moment, even with more of the tea drunk, his hands began to lose their grip and his father had to take the cup back.

“How’s Bella taking it?” he asked, largely to fill the silence.

“As well as you might expect. We are confident you will both come around.”

“So she told you to shove it, too.”

“Finish your tea.”

Sirius took the cup back, relieved he could hold it again, and sipped. They were probably doing the same things to Bella they’d been using on him, and the longer they both held out the angrier their parents were going to be. He tried to imagine going through that pain again and shivered convulsively, badly enough his father took the cup from him without prompting.

“I don’t want you to have to miss school, you know. If you just give in and stop being pointlessly stubborn, this will be over.”

He wanted to tell him to fuck off; to throw the tea in his face and persist, but even without the lights still flashing in the room, he could see the shadows moving and the honey from the tea had left him feeling hollow with hunger. He wanted desperately to just close his eyes and sleep.

It wouldn’t be his fault if Bella didn’t cave, right? Would they still let him go back if he agreed and she didn’t? They had a little over a week and some left...

But you only lasted five days, the back of his mind said.

Bella was older than him. He knew damn well where she went when she wasn’t at home, and so did their parents. She had more to lose, like the ability to choose someone for herself – assuming she wanted anyone at all, or at least, anyone who wanted to marry. If she got away this time, she didn’t have to come _back_.

How much worse could they get if he recanted, anyways?

“Alright,” Sirius said quietly. “I’ll do it.”

“Indeed?” his father raised both eyebrows, but he didn’t take away the cup or slap him. “You do not get to change your mind.”

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to have a different opinion in the first place anyways,” Sirius snapped.

“No, you’re not. I will handle it myself if you prove to be lying. Finish your tea.”

Sirius tried to drink the tea as quickly as he could, although it was still quite hot. He didn’t quite manage to get it half-done before his hands were too weak to continue holding it again. His father took it and set it aside, then got up and dug into his closet for a change of clothes.

He winced, realizing how much help he’d need, but did his best to simply not care. He changed, and then with more of his father’s help, walked downstairs to the dining room where Druella and his mother were arguing while Kreacher cooked. They looked up and his mother raised both eyebrows.

“He’s agreed?”

“You don’t have to sound so surprised,” Sirius grumbled.

“Well we’ve already decided what to do when you prove to be lying. Kreacher, bring soup and the draught. And not very much,” she added.

It was a fairly bland soup, but Sirius didn’t care. It was the first real food he’d had in days and he struggled not to eat so fast he choked on it – there was more healing draught in it too. The other prospect at the end of it, being able to go back to his room and sleep, was almost as appealing; the problem arose, however, that even when he’d finished the little soup he was given, his father had left and he was stuck seated at the table listening to his mother and Druella talk with no one to help him back upstairs.

And his mother and aunt were falling into the usual trap of sharing space with another family member, with nothing to hold them together.

“ – if your daughter had simply chosen a better group of friends,” His mother said, eyeing her fingernails while she spoke, idly tapping each one with her wand to freshen up her manicure.

“I only wish that she had gotten close to someone of better breeding,” Druella retorted. “I let this go so long because many of her associates are at least from decent families, unlike those of your son. Rodolphus isn’t a terrible option –”

“If you don’t assume you would at some point be driven to murder his mother. I cannot _stand_ the family, and you are avoiding discussing the obvious – you know full well your daughter has never looked at him twice. There’s only one person she adores and our fathers would roll in their _graves_ if she were to marry that no-family connections self-styled Dark Lord she refuses to be seen without.”

“I assure you, Walburga, I have never and _would_ never have even considered it, had he even had the gall to make an offer!” Druella lifted her eyes briefly from the magazine she was skimming at the table, glanced over at Kreacher and sneered. “Elf, that roast is smelling awful, do something to fix it already. What on earth do you encourage him to use for _spices_?”

“They are family recipes handed down between our elves for generations, if you don’t like it you can cook your own meals.”

Sirius could see that suggestion make Kreacher’s ears wilt; he snorted, quietly, in place and then regretted it as his mother and Druella both glanced his way and looked irritated. “Shouldn’t he be sleeping?”

“He can behave like a proper member of this family and attend dinner,” his mother snapped. “But God, you need to bathe. Go upstairs and wash up.”

“I can’t walk,” Sirius glared at her.

“Then crawl. Get out of the dining room already.”

Sirius gave her the look that deserved and leaned back in his chair, refusing to move. He was exhausted and he was angry, a combination that kept him in his seat even as the shadows under the cupboards near Kreacher’s knees were rippling like water.

“At least my daughter knows how to comport herself properly,” Druella sneered and turned away from him then. “Have you ever managed to get him to dress like a proper wizard?”

“Have you managed to delude yourself that your daughter’s comportment actually suits her lineage or has she actually been vanishing from events in the company of that Dark Lord of hers for hours and returning looking full of her own self-righteous importance?”

“At least she’s never socialized with a half-blood vagrant and a poor excuse for a wizard!” Druella snapped. “Like you’ve never been alone with another man.”

“I have not been!” Sirius’ mother stiffened in her seat, then rose and dragged Sirius up with her as her excuse to storm from the room. Sirius tried to jerk away, but he might as well have fought against stone: she didn’t even appear to notice. She walked him all the way upstairs to the bathroom on the floor with his and Regulus’ rooms, then dropped him against the wall to start running water in the tub.

“Stay here,” she snapped. She swept from the bathroom to open his door, then stopped and shouted, “Arcturus! Get up here, what were you _thinking_ , you senile old man –!”

Her words trailed off as she went downstairs in pursuit of her father-in-law. The bath tub was filling quickly beside him. Sirius watched the water flow and something darted out of the tap into the belly of the tub. He jerked forward to stare at the water, but there was nothing visible in the porcelain tub. He saw the same kind of thing dart down the stream of water again and closed his eyes against the panic and disorientation.

He was hallucinating, that was all. It had been five days without sleep: it came as little surprise. He’d gone not quite this long without rest before, but he usually started hallucinating after three days – a not uncommon problem he had, when he was trying to sleep at home and his nightmares were unmanageable. Frequently because someone in the family was trying to give him new ones....

Belatedly, he realized he needed to turn off the tap. Despite this, it took him another few moments to actually work up the energy and the focus to do it.

The water was almost too full to slip into; he waited, but his mother didn’t seem inclined to come back anytime soon. Still, he didn’t want to strip and have her walk in on him if he could avoid it. He simply wasn’t sure he could. Did he want to give up on it anyways?

Possibly more importantly, he couldn’t actually get up to shut the door, and he was absolutely not going to take off his clothes if there was any chance of his uncle or grandfathers coming in.

It was perhaps another five or ten minutes before his mother came into the room with a change of clothes for him, seething quietly. “Well?” she snapped. “Get in the water.”

“Not while you’re watching.”

Her hand stung on his cheek and she grabbed his hair and twisted it with a snarl. “Shut up you ungrateful little pillock. You’re not going to drown yourself or waste my time. You can remove your clothes or I will remove them for you, and then perhaps you can attend dinner without any at all!”

Sirius gasped and didn’t answer; he scrabbled at her wrist then started whimpering; he breathed, “Okay, okay, okay!” until she let go, then, shaking, began to strip. He wanted to be allowed to eat, and also perhaps to sleep, neither of which was likely if she took away his clothes. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d punished him like that.

The water was almost too hot, but as he adjusted to it, it seeped into sore muscles and, slowly, gave him some long-needed relief. He sank down in the water until it came up just beneath his nose and stayed there, eyes half-shut.

Something moved in the corner of his eye and he jerked, hands pressed hard to the edge of the bath. His mother made a scoffing noise. “Calm down, you stupid child.”

She was well out of reach, leaning on the counter and waiting, clearly impatient for him to finish. He couldn’t have seen her moving that close to him from over there. It wasn’t much of a surprise she made this worse, though. When he wasn’t having nightmares about Pollux, he was having nightmares about her.

The next time he saw movement, it _was_ her; she had turned and brought her wand up and sent a spell his way; his head suddenly stung, painfully, and he rapidly dunked himself under the water to try to wash out whatever it was she’d decided to apply to his hair this time. It was better for him – and his hair – not to argue until after he’d washed it out. When one of the sponges started on him, though, he got up and threw a handful of water at her to make her stop.

Her next spell filled his mouth with suds. She didn’t even yell, simply took over for him until he was clean enough to satisfy her and the tub was drained.

For something that hadn’t involved nearly as much pain as being attacked by grandpa Pollux, Sirius was still shaking after he dressed and he kept his head down and his mouth shut all the way back down to dinner.


	4. Chapter 4

Whatever dinner had been like, Sirius honestly couldn’t have said. He was nodding off over his plate as soon as he sat down again, and he sincerely could not remember how he had gotten back to his room. It wasn’t until he woke up, what he assumed was several hours later, that he even realized many – but not all – of his possessions had been returned to his rooms.

This, notably, did not include his wand or much of his books, but he at least had a deck of cards and some of the homework he’d been supposed to do over the break. It also didn’t include his curtains being unspelled, and thus only his clock in his room gave him any sense of time passing.

He resolved to ask for his textbooks back next chance he got, but for now he simply got up, changed clothes so no one would try to make him do it, and tied back his hair to make his slow way downstairs to eat whatever he could get his hands on.

There was just Arcturus in the kitchen when he came down; it was mid-morning, and a while after the usual breakfast time for the rest of the family. His grandfather was eyeing a long scroll filled with notes, and Sirius pointedly didn’t ask him anything about it. Kreacher delivered him food without him having to ask, including another healing draught, and he tried to eat it as quickly as possible so he could leave.

“It was a variant on the snuffing charm, wasn’t it?” Arcturus abruptly asked.

Sirius paused, then swallowed his bite of food. “How the Hell should I know?”

“The first curse he used, at the table. You weren’t breathing at all, but it didn’t seem to be your lungs affected...”

“You should ask him,” Sirius snapped. He took another bite and Arcturus looked up at him with idle curiosity and waited. Sirius glared back, but he couldn’t just stop eating to avoid talking to him; much less did he want to abandon his food to avoid him. He swallowed and sighed loudly. “Yes, it felt like the air was gone. Is that it?”

Arcturus was always asking something like that; at best, it was about curses he’d seen _other_ people use. If he hadn’t had that opportunity, he would just make them himself.

“A much larger area of effect than its intended for,” Arcturus murmured. “I’ll have to ask him how he expanded it...”

Sirius started to get up, and Arcturus pulled out his wand and gestured him back into his seat.

“I should go continue resting,” Sirius snapped, staying where he was. “I need more time to recover.”

“You don’t actually care about this wedding,” Arcturus said. “Sit down. I’ll be short.”

“You’ve never been short in your life.” Sirius sat, though, perched on the edge of his chair as his legs were already aching.

“Yes, of course I understand.” Arcturus twisted his quill between his fingers and checked down his list of notes for more questions.

They managed five minutes before one of Sirius’ sarcastic answers got him a small curse and a welt on his arm on a scold; the next one hit his neck. Fifteen minutes later when his mother came in she looked him over and shrieked.

“How _dare_ you? Can’t you wait even a few more days! He has to be fit to be _seen_!”

As soon as she hit her stride, Sirius escaped the room and ran upstairs. He sighed and dropped heavily into bed, thinking he’d be bored again before long. He blinked and closed his eyes, just for a moment.

He woke with a start when someone sat down at the end of his bed. Sirius scrambled back, away from the movement, and fumbled for a wand he didn’t have.

“Calm down,” his father said. “I just wanted to talk about preparations for the wedding.”

“Has she agreed?” Sirius asked, suddenly anxious. What if she did just to get it over with?

“Not yet.” His father gave him a warning look. “And you already said yes.”

“Yeah, you’re right, of course I did.” Sirius wouldn’t look at him, and shifted to curl up around his legs. “What preparations do you mean?”

“Usually there’s a series of classes you’d be taking to prepare – which is why the Malfoys are planning for a summer wedding, as they have requested Narcissa and Lucius go over the documents at least first – but given the nature of your behavior problems, we can’t do this in detail for you and Bellatrix. I do think there’s a few details you should be aware of.

“The first is that, of course, as you know, marriage is binding for your lifetimes. Severing it is not simple, or easy, nor do I intend for you to do so.” His father looked at him over the top of his reading glasses with a dark expression. “This will be magically enforced, and anyone who wishes to test for it will know. In addition, it will be binding upon Bellatrix to be faithful to you. I hope you understand that means you are similarly obligated to make time for her needs, and your obligation to produce children for this family.”

“But...” Sirius gaped at him.

Somehow, in all the mess, he’d just never thought about the association between ‘marriage’ and ‘sex’ in this context. Likely because Bellatrix was the _last_ person he would ever think about _sex_ with. “I mean, okay,” Sirius exhaled and tried to keep his voice steady. “I guess she likes kids, fine, but why do they have to be _mine_?”

“You should not imply that your cousin is loose, Sirius.” His father didn’t even bother looking up from the book. “Caring about the paternity of any children she produces matters, Sirius, and you would do well to remember that you owe that much to the family. The charm expires after she’s borne you two children anyways.”

“Is that why you and Mum stopped after two?”

Sirius regretted it the moment it came out of his mouth. He knew his parents didn’t get along – no one in this house did, all four married adults slept in separate bedrooms. It was normal for their class.

Perhaps that was why his father merely looked at him for a long moment, then turned over the page in the book he held. “The second important detail is that we’re activating an obedience clause as well.”

“Whose obedience?” Sirius demanded, immediately on guard.

“Hers. It’s not all-encompassing; you can’t change her mind, or her ideals, and if she’s doing something for the best of the family it won’t work, but simple things like chores and manners. It hasn’t been used in a long time but obviously given you both have behavior issues it would be helpful – and it also means that you will be answerable to the rest of us for her choices.”

Sirius sneered at him. “So you’re making her _my_ problem, literally and figuratively? Like Hell am I gonna suddenly care about that.”

His father shut the book in his hands and Sirius quickly memorized its title: _Moste Anciente Familyes,_ the script handwritten and precise from long before modern English existed as it did now. He was going to need to get a hold of that book, and quickly; he looked away from it before it was obvious and tried to look more chastened.

“You will care because you owe it to us to care,” his father said, slowly and carefully again. “I’ll have your grandfather come in and explain in more detail, since you don’t seem to be paying attention to me.”

Sirius didn’t object as his father left, just wondered which grandfather – and what kind of explanation – it was going to be. He wasn’t sure how much he’d pissed Orion off with his retorts, and how little he could hide his disgust and horror at the prospect of this marriage.

He was sincerely surprised when it turned out to be Arcturus, not Pollux. He relaxed slightly and quickly revisited what it was his father had said. In this case, Arcturus might actually manage to be useful...


	5. Chapter 5

In deference to how long-winded his grandfather could get when explaining minute details of magical theory, Sirius got to eat lunch in his room. Therefore, when he was first satisfied and then finally sick of hearing about it, he simply telegraphed a yawn and begged to stop until he could pay proper attention again after a nap.

Much as it pained him to do so, he did pass out again after that, this time curled up more carefully under his blankets. He wished he could lock his door but it wasn’t an option. They had rarely allowed it before, and he wasn’t sure they’d ever let him do it again. However, despite his concerns of being interrupted, he didn’t wake until his mother pounded on his door demanding he make it down to dinner.

Sirius changed again, and went. Everyone, excluding Bellatrix, was present, and the conversation was accordingly stiff and viciously rude. He paid little attention to it, trying to remember the details of what Arcturus had explained about his wedding, but the facts were slipping through his fingers as he tried.

“Sirius,” Pollux snapped. “Have you heard a word I said?”

Sirius startled and looked up, noticing everyone was staring at him. He winced and shook his head. “I’m sorry grandpa, I’ve just been – I’m still very tired.”

“I asked you if you thought you were prepared for your wedding night.”

Sirius wished he’d pretended to be _much_ more tired than he was. “I know what sex is, Grandpa. I think I can probably handle it.”

“Even the best of men can find it overwhelming if they’re expected to do so before an audience.”

Narcissa spilled her drink; Druella swore at her, briefly, but the mess was cleaned up in an instant. He wished she’d spilled it closer to him.

“Before a – _what_?” Sirius stared from his father to Arcturus. “You didn’t mention _that_!”

“How else would you expect to seal magic between a couple?” Arcturus said. “I thought it should have been obvious.”

“No, it bloody well wasn’t!” Sirius pushed himself back from the table, but he could see Cygnus watching him from the corner of his eye and stopped. “I’m not doing it!”

“You don’t have a choice,” Pollux glared. “It’s part of the wedding, and you already agreed to it.”

“You didn’t tell me I had to fuck for you all!” His voice was shaking and he didn’t care. “I sure as Hell am not going to do that, and I doubt Bella will either!”

“There are ways to get around the performance anxiety, we can go over those tonight if need be,” Arcturus said.

Sirius tried to get up but his aunt cursed his legs to collapse under him as he rose. He fell back to the chair, his legs stinging and otherwise useless and had to cling to the table to stay upright. He dragged himself back into the chair enough for support, surrounded by a dead, angry silence. Beside him, Regulus and Narcissa sat, unmoving and staring at their laps.

He wished he’d ever been any good at that, but. He wasn’t, and there wasn’t anything he could do about it now. He swallowed and straightened once the worst of the pain had passed and looked across the table to meet Arcturus’ eyes.

“I don’t need my _grandfather_ showing me sex aids, thanks.” His voice shook with rage.

“You will have to go over them at some point,” his father replied. “The wedding will not be completed without the consummation, the consummation requires witnesses from both families, and your performance is vital.”

“So let me look it up myself,” Sirius offered. “We have a fucking library. I can ask if I think I need any kind of help.” And he could pick up the wrong book if he still felt like he was desperate enough to rip off his own skin rather than do it.

Arcturus looked mutinous, and was clearly going to stay no; Grandpa Pollux gestured dismissively next to him and spoke over the murmur at the table. “Very well then,” Pollux agreed.

“I don’t think we should be trusting him with the matter in this case,” Arcturus grumbled. “This is a very important piece of magic to complete, the wrong spell...”

“As much as you seem to want an inside view of our grandson’s sex life I don’t think it’s helping his cooperation.” Pollux shot his cousin a snide look. “I’m sure you will survive the disappointment.”

“It seems strange to see you acquire what looks like a moral the moment it applies to someone else’s behavior and not your own.” Arcturus snapped.

“It has nothing to do with morals, only with actual effectiveness.”

“So it’s acceptable to torture him but not train him?”

“I did not –”

“I know full well the results of the Cruciatus, Pollux, and if you think you can get away with it because of your facility with non-verbal spells you are deluded.”

“May I be excused to the library, then?” Sirius interrupted. As nice as it was to not be the center of attention, he was growing more and more nauseous the longer he had to listen to them talk.

The table went awkwardly silent for several seconds before his mother gestured stiffly. “Go.”

Sirius didn’t wait for more approval, but walked rapidly upstairs before he had to hear more. The library wasn’t far from the dining room, fortunately for his still shaky legs; it wasn’t all that much safer, either. Many of Arcturus’ old notebooks were in there, cursed if someone other than him tried to open them: that was his best bet, if he wanted to just die unexpectedly on everyone. Most of the other books were histories, or family genealogies.

It was hard to say there was an order to the collection; while it was true there was a shelf of books for children, and one for cookbooks, and most of the genealogies were to the right of the door, the rest of it was largely collected by things like when they were bought, or by whom, if they required special shelving (like the Latin book that dripped olive oil and needed its tray changed every week, or the book in Welsh that had to be kept in a metal box to stop it trying to grow back into a tree, or the one in English that simply smelled strongly of badly tanned leather) or if Arcturus was currently referencing them.

There was probably books on sex magic and marriage in Arcturus’ shelves. While he wasn’t remotely in the mood to look up sex aids, he _was_ curious if there might be anything useful about the marriage spells themselves and to that end he started there, careful not to touch anything until he was sure it wasn’t one of his notebooks. There was a book on sex magic among his items as he’d thought, and Sirius pulled it down just in case they came to check on what he was doing.

The book his father had been referencing was nowhere to be seen, not even when he tried to skim the rest of the bookshelves for anything helpful. Most likely it was in his room, under lock and key and spell. He did find two other books on marriage and grabbed another two on sex, given he expected Arcturus would interrogate him about it later and forcibly teach him if he hadn’t done it himself already. The less excuse Arcturus had, the better.

He didn’t really have any experience with sex, not yet. He flipped kind of numbly through the books he’d grabbed, unwilling to actually read them. He’d fooled around a little at school; kissed a couple girls, the end of last year, and made out with one early this year, but he’d though he’d have more _time_...

Arcturus probably _did_ know the most about his sexual experience of anyone, given the furthest he’d gone past kissing had been six years ago when he’d wanted to test a spell with Pollux’s help and had been forbidden to do any of it to one of the girls.

Sirius was still pretty sure that wasn’t going to help him on his wedding night, though.

The biggest problem with this was not going to be finding the right _spell_ , Sirius thought furiously, but the fact that it was with _Bellatrix_. He’d grown up with her. She’d picked him up from school when their parents were too furious with him to bother, helped him with his homework, snuck food to him in his room...

She was also a _Death Eater_ , and he knew perfectly well what that meant. He turned a few pages in a book and wondered where they Hell they even were. Had they not noticed she was gone yet? Were they planning a rescue even now? He wondered if she’d told any of her friends, there, about her Gryffindor cousin. He didn’t know. Would they save him, too, if they came?

He didn’t think Bellatrix wanted her friends to die like that, though. Attacking the Black family home was about as suicidal as picking up one of Arcturus’ books, and she’d probably warned them about that. It didn’t seem likely that there was any chance of getting out of this.

Maybe, maybe if they survived the wedding there’d be a way.

He didn’t _really_ want to die, so Sirius opened the least alarming of the books on sex magic and started to read.


	6. Chapter 6

He had started taking notes on the books by the time Cygnus came to tell him it was time to go to bed. He was only allowed to take only one of the books with him to his room; he asked if he could get his wand back, to practice, and Cygnus grunted. His father, however, came up with it in an hour. Sirius awkwardly accepted what it was for and as he knew he wasn’t going to sleep he tried to get some practice with the spells in case they tried to force him to prove he’d really studied.

He tried not to think about what, exactly, the spells in question were for despite how obvious it was. He couldn’t afford to, or he’d be sick all over again.

It was useless to try and deflect his thoughts from it. He curled up in bed, clinging to his wand and remembered that their wedding was already planned, and Bella was trapped in her room likely in much the same state he’d been or worse. Their parents hated her more than the hated him. He didn’t even know how they’d gotten her, but they must have planned for months – or years.

Maybe he could manage to sneak out a letter, if he could only find a way to get to one of the family owls. They probably weren’t expecting him to risk it; all the kids knew how heavily warded the house was. Getting a message out wasn’t nearly as useful when nobody could get back _in_ , after all, but Bellatrix was friends with people who made it their business to do that. He just didn’t want to risk getting them killed...

He tried to put it out of his mind, not a difficult task when he slept perhaps ten hours in the next four days and was starting to hallucinate occasionally once again. He managed to rest, even if he didn’t sleep well, and he tried to read. He spent what time he could get away with in his room, away from the rest of the family, and they were largely content to ignore him now that he was nominally going along with their plans. It was a familiar state of truce when he was at home, and it was almost comforting until he woke up on Christmas Even to go down to breakfast and froze in the doorway.

Two large cauldrons were bubbling gently over the fire, filling the room with the scent of mulled wine. Regulus, also at the table with him, was eyeing them with a similar look of apprehension that was almost fear.

Arcturus wandered into the room as well, and stopped in the doorway to give a happy sigh. “Ahh. Excellent, as always.”

Sirius ignored him and sat down to eat, a plate rapidly sliding on the table in front of him. He’d forgotten, in his haze of studying and dismay, that Christmas was coming. At Hogwarts, it was almost pleasant: just a feast and trees and presents. At home, the biggest event of the holiday was wassailing. For the adults, it meant a steady stream of rowdy visitors, play fights – not always so playful, with the spells his family was fond of – and a great deal of drinking by the family and the visitors who managed to fight their way into the house.

As awful as his family was sober, they were ten times worse drunk.

“Who’s the host tonight?” Sirius asked, referring to the family member required to stay sober.

“Narcissa,” Arcturus said with satisfaction. “She’s very good at it, it will go well and your father was quite sick of having to take on the role. You know Cygnus is no good at it, he loses his temper too quickly when the busybodies from the ministry come around.”

Regulus started finishing his food faster. Sirius almost wanted to join in, but he smiled at Arcturus to keep his attention. “I guess that’s good, she’ll do well at it. God knows she’s going to need the practice, what with being a Malfoy wife.”

“Yes, indeed.” Arcturus smiled at him. “You’ll be able to join us in a few years if you want, you know, it can be quite fun. You get to meet all our patronages, feel out their mood; it’s not often they really show their feelings, you get so used to playing nice that you forget sometimes just because you’re helping someone doesn’t mean they don’t despise you... Still, it’s good to clear the air a little. Let them have a go.”

“I guess so,” Sirius bit his lip and carefully did not look at Regulus as he fled the room. “Do you think you could explain a little more about the marriage spells, anyways? I still don’t think I understand... it’d be a lot easier if I could see the book.”

“No, your father has squirreled that away somewhere in his rooms.” Arcturus sighed. “He’s always been protective of it... truly I don’t understand why, he’s never bothered to make any use of it when – well, you know what she’s like.”

Sirius wondered briefly if Arcturus had already been drinking or not. It seemed unlikely, and yet he was being remarkably pleasant for him. “Has he always kept it on him? I mean, it has to be a really valuable book.”

“Irreplaceable,” Arcturus nodded. “That book’s older than the printing press you know, it’s hand-copied out – written sometime in the fourteen century, I believe. Well, they’d hardly publish something like it now. More than half the spells in it have been deemed illegal.”

Sirius wondered what on earth the rest of the book talked about it, then decided he really didn’t want to know. The fact that they’d had to specify it was going to be a _limited_ obedience spell suggested that there was more powerful options at hand.

“You’ll inherit it when it comes time, but not for a while yet. When you have your own children to contract marriages for.” Arcturus turned over his kippers with a curious look. “Are you wanting me to go over the details of the spells again?”

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded and beckoned for Kreacher to refill his cup. “I think it would help...”

Today, however, Arcturus wasn’t able to go on uninterrupted about magic theory. Druella showed up in the kitchen within a half hour and immediately complained that the wassail was wrong, and demanded Kreacher start a third cauldron that matched the way her family brewed it; Pollux took offence at the very suggestion that the Black family wassail was not good enough for her, and Arcturus stopped mid-sentence and stood up to inform them of exactly what he thought of changing a wassail recipe himself.

Sirius tried to take the opening to get out of the kitchen, but their fight had blocked off the door. He exhaled loudly in frustration and went to go see if there was anything made he could take up to his room with him before he went to hide. As he was eyeing the counters and wondering if it was worth the risk of getting a knife thrown at him by the house elf to steal some of what was obviously waiting for wassailing guests later that evening, his father cornered him with a frown.

“How are you feeling?” he asked then, without waiting for him to answer, “I think we might need to extend the date of the wedding a few days; we had hoped it might happen on the thirtieth or thirty-first, but if your cousin doesn’t cooperate soon she may not be well enough for it then.”

“I, uh,” Sirius blinked; he hadn’t thought about that in a few days, and wasn’t sure what to say to such a pronouncement. Since when did his father care what _he_ thought about this? “I don’t know what you mean.”

“We can’t push it much further if we want you to get on the train home on time – but of course we can’t keep her here until Easter without the marriage complete. If she doesn’t capitulate, you’re going to have to stay until she does.”

Sirius bristled. “It’s not like it’s going to be my fault if you keep failing!”

“Your duty to the family comes first.”

“Mad because she’s outlasted your son?” Sirius snapped. It had been seven days now, since Bellatrix came home; two more than Sirius had managed himself. He was torn between relief and mild shame. As much as he’d wanted to last longer, she was older; she had more experience than him. Hell, for all he knew she’d been under the Cruciatus more too. Maybe it really just didn’t matter to her after all, not against what would happen if she gave in.

His father gave him another displeased look, but he did nothing about it. He looked back towards the fight at the door and gestured for Sirius to follow him. Once they reached the knot of family arguing in the doorway, Orion roughly shoved his own father out of the way so Sirius could dart out the door; behind him, he heard Arcturus swearing, a hex, then a shout of “Orion, if you’ve dared start on the wassail already – !”

Sirius didn’t wait around to hear the result. He darted upstairs, a couple small sandwiches in his hands. At the door to his room, he hesitated before he turned aside and knocked on that of his little brother.

It took two tries to get him to open the door; nobody else in the house but the other children bothered to knock twice when not answered immediately. Regulus peered out around his doorframe at him, then gave him a disgusted look.

Sirius shoved the second sandwich at him. “Here. For lunch. They’re probably gonna forget to send anything up.”

Regulus looked from the sandwich in his hands, to his face, obviously debating refusing. The prospect of an evening without food however, seemed to push him to accept. He took it from his hand and shut the door with unnecessary force.

Sirius went back to his own room with the food and shut his door before he dropped into his bed, well aware he was unlikely to be leaving his room for long again that day. He put the sandwich aside and dug in his school bag for his textbooks, returned the morning after he’s gotten back his wand, and started on some of his homework.


	7. Chapter 7

He knew when the first visitors arrived when someone started screaming downstairs. There was raucous laughter, then a door slammed. He wondered which poor family had made the tactical error of showing up so early, before everyone had had time to get well and drunk.

It was another hour before a second visitor came. This one ended much the same as the first; with screaming and laughter. On the top floor of the house, he couldn’t hear any of the conversation, but he didn’t really want to. He bent back over his homework and tried to focus.

This got harder as the day grew darker and more and more people began to show up. It was six thirty or seven when there was the first scream of rage: someone must have gotten a hit in, and won the right to come inside. Sirius stuck his head out of his room to check that Regulus’ door was shut and he seemed to be in his room, then retreated.

Soon, the noise from downstairs never stopped. Sirius gave up on his homework and went to go shower quickly before he tried to sleep, but every loud noise roused him too much to rest. He was too tired to focus on his homework, so he tried practicing his spells for school instead.

He wasn’t sure how late it was when he heard someone on the floor below, moving around far more loudly than they should’ve been if they were one of the kids. Sirius froze, and bit his lip. The noise vanished.

Bellatrix’ room was there; probably the only room charmed to silence right now. Sirius glanced at the clock. It was one in the morning; the family had been drinking heavily since seven.

He didn’t really think; he didn’t have the _time_. Sirius got up and left his room, treading softly down the stairs. On the floor below, there was three doors – Narcissa’s, nearest him, then Andromeda’s, and lastly Bellatrix’s. The first two rooms were shut; the third hung slightly ajar.

Whoever had slipped inside really was drunk, if they’d made that kind of mistake. Sirius quickly approached her door and he was five feet away when a dark blue light flashed behind the door.

 _Dark blue?_ Sirius gave up on caution, pushing the door open.

He was still outside the silencing charm. He could tell, because he could see Bellatrix screaming on the bed, and hear nothing; see his uncle Cygnus shouting something, and not hear it. He wasn’t sure if it was two way or not, but Cygnus was visibly wavering on his feet, too drunk to stand still – too drunk, apparently, to remember his daughter was supposed to be at a wedding in less than a week. Behind him, Sirius shot a Stunner at his back; he watched him fall and went and knocked rapidly on Narcissa’s door until she opened it.

“What?” She hissed at him.

“Cygnus used a bone-breaker on Bellatrix’ legs,” he said. “You have to do something, she needs to go to St Mungo’s!”

“How the – we’re not taking anyone to St Mungo’s, do you want them to kill you?!” Narcissa snapped. She pulled open her door and stalked out of the room. “You’re not even supposed to be in her room!”

“He was drunk enough he left it fucking open.”

“How do you even know it was –” Narcissa paused at Bellatrix’s door, dead silent. After a minute she remembered what she was doing, what she needed to do, and hoarsely said “Sirius, go back into my room and get me my kit.”

Sirius wanted to argue but didn’t. He left her and found the kit she meant under her desk, an old-fashioned doctor’s bag in which Narcissa kept an array of different potions for healing. He dragged it back to her, keeping a careful watch out for any sign of their family coming upstairs. He came back in, then argued, “I saw the dark blue light, Narcissa, it’s not going to work.”

“There’s a way around it,” she said grimly, her wand in her hand as she finished her diagnostic spells. “Stay out of the way.”

She paused briefly, then her wand moved; Bellatrix suddenly moaned, but the livid pain on her face faded. Her legs went – Sirius had to turn away before he threw up.

“What the _bloody Hell_ did you just do?” he hissed.

“She can regrow the bones fine, I only took out the long bones – that’s all the curse affected anyways.” Narcissa sounded curt, business like. “You need to go back to your room before they find out what you did.”

“Your father –”

“I’ll deal with it. Go, I’m going to hide your door until morning, when they’ve all sobered up.” She found the bottle she wanted and held it to Bellatrix’s mouth.

“You’re not claiming you’re the one who attacked him,” Sirius snapped.

“I have a betrothal they won’t want to break.”

“They already hate us, don’t get them hating you too. Claim one of them did it if you’re gonna try to keep me safe.”

“Who else in this house would’ve cursed Cygnus with a Stunner in this state?” Narcissa snapped. “If you’re caught down here with me, you’ll be in worse trouble Sirius!”

“Claim it was Orion.”

“Go to your room!”

Sirius gave up on arguing with her; she was right, if they got caught together in her room it would be worse. He went upstairs, and hesitated, unsure if he wanted to open Regulus’ door or not. He was hopefully already asleep. Sirius opted not to wake him and disappeared into his own room.

Five minutes later, Narcissa knocked on his door. When Sirius let her in, she had Regulus with her. “You both need to stay in one room,” she said. “I can’t hide four doors. Hopefully that will keep anyone else out of our rooms until they’re sober enough to undo the spell.”

“Right. When they get up –”

Narcissa gave him a long, tired look but nodded. “I’ll claim it was Walburga. Orion wasn’t drunk enough.”

Sirius felt uneasy about it, but they probably wouldn’t have believed they were telling the truth regardless.

Narcissa shut the door, and there was nothing more to see from inside. Reggie was in his pajamas, hugging a pillow to his chest and not looking at his brother. Sirius took his pillow off the bed and went to sit on the floor underneath his window. “Go ahead. You need the sleep.”

His brother hesitated a moment, then curled up on his bed and turned to face the wall, deliberately ignoring him. Sirius leaned back and simply watched the door.

Sirius knew he was unlikely to sleep tonight – the image of what had happened to his cousin was still raw in his mind. It hadn’t just been the bone breaker; she’d been bruised, likely beaten more than they’d bothered with him, he guessed. And then, their parents’ reactions to what he’d done.

Would Orion believe Narcissa, if he hadn’t been fully drunk? Sirius supposed he’d been too used to staying sober to get as careless as the rest – his father was always trying to keep some semblance of order between the family members. He was sometimes the only one who _could_ , if what wound up required was use of the less-deadly wards (something that had happened twice in Sirius’ memory.) If he didn’t believe her, would he blame her or Sirius?

Reggie’s breathing slipped from awake to asleep, and Sirius finally roused himself from the floor to go to his desk and pick up a quill and ink and a scrap of parchment. He remembered his thoughts, earlier that week – before things had devolved. Before his father was talking of how long she might hold out, if she did after what happened. She was stubborn – she might. And yet, would they ever let her go again? Would they risk giving her back her wand?

He didn’t know. He didn’t want her trapped her like that. He bit his lip, and finally addressed the only person he was reasonably sure he could get an owl to.

 

_Lestrange,_

_Our parents have trapped Bellatrix in the house. They’ve tried to kill her before, you have to come get her. Try not to die on the wards, I don’t know how much she could warn you about but they can kill._

_They say they intend me to return to school, but if she hasn’t capitulated I might not be let go either._

 

He debated if he should sign it. He wasn’t sure he wanted his name attached to it, but how would they know... He bit his lip and added a line.

 

_I’ve tried to save her before, if you’re not sure you believe me now. He should remember._

 

He felt his skin crawl a little, but that would both hopefully convince them he wasn’t exaggerating.

Now was likely the only time he could possibly get away to send an owl. He was pretty sure he knew what spell Narcissa would’ve used to hide his door and her own; he checked, as he opened it, and once sure he’d be able to get back in, he tiptoed as silently as possible to the attic and their small collection of owls. He watched as carefully as possible for Kreacher sneaking around, but there was no sign. He rolled up the scrap of paper and chose the only owl that liked him, a soft barn owl that nibbled his fingers looking for treats.

“I can’t, I’m sorry,” he whispered. “You need to get this to Rodolphus Lestrange, okay? I know he talks to Bella, he’s come to pick me up before. Go!”

The owl made a small, hoarse cry and flew outside. Sirius snuck back downstairs to his room and lifted the spell long enough to slip inside.

Regulus was still asleep. His curtains were still charmed unchanging, the light in his room constant and low. Sirius sat down against the wall, and watched the clock on his wall as he waited for morning.

It was nine AM when his door was pushed open. His father surveyed the room, from Sirius sitting on the floor to Regulus on his bed and beckoned him to get up in silence. Sirius went.

Outside, as his father shut the door, Sirius had to restrain himself from immediately asking how she was. Instead, he made himself say “What is it?” as if he didn’t know.

Orion shook his head and led the way downstairs, to the kitchen. As they passed the girls rooms, Sirius saw that he could see all three doors without effort – Narcissa had already spoken to him. He didn’t know what she’d said, or how he’d taken it, but he could tell Orion was suspicious.

They went all the way to the kitchen before Orion spoke. “Strychnine returned early this morning while Kreacher was cleaning the attic.”

Sirius had a heart-stopping moment of wondering if Lestrange had been foolish enough to have tried to _reply_ before he thought better of it. “Yeah?” he asked.

Orion shook his head. “Narcissa was clever, to blame Walburga. She wouldn’t have remembered otherwise, and just been grievously dismayed she didn’t curse Cygnus with something worse. I might have blamed her, but. Kreacher knows you were out of bed, he heard you from the attic and followed you downstairs. I’d asked him to keep watch, in case you tried anything while we were all compromised.”

Sirius gritted his teeth. He hated Kreacher with a passion already for doing his mother’s work, but this it seemed was going to be worse.

“He also knows you sent a letter last night. Who were you writing to?”

“No one,” Sirius snapped. “He’s a lying bastard.”

“It wasn’t someone far away, not if Strychnine returned so early.” Orion sat heavily at the table and gestured for him to join him. Sirius debated remaining up, stubbornly, but his judgement reasserted itself and he sat. He didn’t know what Orion was going to decide yet. He didn’t need to keep fighting, not quite yet.

Kreacher brought them both breakfast, and Sirius picked at his plate for something to do with his hands.

“I hope you can appreciate the position I’m in, Sirius.” Orion said. “On the one hand, Cygnus was flagrantly out of line. We had agreed not to enter her room again after a certain point last night, as you can see it would only result in irrational damages to her well-being. On the other hand, he is your uncle. You are not yet paterfamilias, you should not be taking his discipline into your own hands.

“If I accept the lie your cousin told, then I must punish both him and your mother for their transgressions against the family’s order. If this might work, I would do it but Walburga knows Kreacher was watching. He will tell her the truth if she asks. You can imagine the chaos that will result if she was punished unfairly, can you not?

“I still might have accepted that, but – you crossed a greater line yourself, on top of what you’d already done. While perhaps you might have been in the right to attack Cygnus, to defend your cousin – who will soon be your wife – you sent a letter in the dead of night. Who were you writing to?”

“No one,” Sirius repeated. “Kreacher lied.”

“Kreacher cannot lie to me.”

“Look if you want to punish me, what the fuck am I going to do to talk you out of it? You wanna question the owl about where she went?” He sneered.

Orion’s jaw twitched, and Sirius realized suddenly that his father was scared.

 _He’s guessed_ , Sirius thought, and there was a kind of terrified glee in his throat. His father knew he’d written to Bella’s friends. Who else would he have dared risk a letter to? The Potters could do nothing; the Ministry politely ignored anything the family did because of their money, and Dumbledore was only one man. But Bella’s friends... That might be a problem. While they were in the house, they were untouchable, but if she’d told them how to surpass the wards... Her friends couldn’t show up now, but the line he’d crossed was that he’d gone over his paterfamilias’ authority to someone who very well might act successfully against him. That, then, was unforgiveable.

“You fail to respect what you owe this family, Sirius.” Orion said. “I am not going to reward your utter disregard for our wishes by letting you get away with a convenient lie. This is not to say Cygnus will not also pay for failing to respect our agreement and risking irreparable damage to his daughter, but we will decide your punishment later today when we are all awake. You should eat, before then.”

Sirius bent his head down and stared at his food, unable to find his appetite even if he knew he needed to eat regardless. “How is she? Bella.”

“She’s healing,” his father said. “Narcissa’s intervention appears to have been successful, but it will be two or three days before we’ll know how well it worked.”

“Good.” He swallowed, and managed to make himself start eating. How long until everyone else had slept off their hangovers? What would Cygnus be allowed to do?

When Sirius had finished his first plate of food, his father gestured for Kreacher to refill it.

“I should have guessed you’d take it seriously,” he said abruptly. “I told you to be responsible for her, and you have a habit of taking the most inconvenient things to their obvious conclusions. I had thought, given the distance between you, you might find that difficult but it seems I am more mistaken than I thought.”

Sirius glanced up at him in surprise. “Nobody deserves to be treated like that.”

His father ran a hand over his hair and sighed. “Yes, of course. I’m sorry we’ve had to be so harsh with your cousin right before your wedding.”

Sirius thought, furiously, that that was not even close to the point, but after this long he knew that no one in their family cared what he thought. They’d never cared about any of their kids, and as such they had no idea how he felt or what was going so wrong with their idea.

When he finished the second plate of food, he asked softly if he could be excused and Orion checked the time and nodded. “Yes. Go wait upstairs in your room. Let Regulus know Kreacher will be bringing him food in his rooms. I don’t want any of your children out until we have decided what to do.”

Sirius stood up and left the table, thinking, with a crooked smile, that what his father hadn’t said was – until they knew if there was going to be a Dark Lord at the door by evening.


	8. Chapter 8

Not even the threat of a Death Eater raid it seems could calm Cygnus’ temper once he got going. Sirius didn’t find out what they’d discussed downstairs before his uncle came into his room; he could guess, a little, after the fact.

For one, it was immediately obvious he’d been denied use of his wand to punish him, but not of other non-magical accessories. He was also limited in time, although Sirius was only distantly aware of it when someone dragged him off him later on that day. It was hard to think of much else; he thought he remembered someone casting a healing spell, but mostly he just knew it ended, and then he woke up.

Woke up, but he wasn’t yet ready to get up. He was relieved to realize his arms had been untied, and the gag removed. His back flared with pain as soon as he tried to shift in place, and he stopped.

 _Whipping_ , he remembered, and he’d been tied up with rope. Gagged with rope, too, which explained why his cheeks and mouth still felt raw. It was a small comfort to know that whenever his family decided they wanted him well, everything could be healed, and that thought started him laughing, on the verge of hysterical, into his pillow.

He laughed, too, when his mother came in to check on him and started screaming at Cygnus for making a mess in his room. Sirius was moved, his mattress and floor cleaned, then laid back down in bed without any healing.

They didn’t even try to feed him. He drifted in and out of consciousness, the light in his room finally released to show the passing days, and waited for something to change. Night passed, then morning, and Kreacher brought him a little food, something he could eat still laying flat on his stomach in bed.

The tea, as before, had a healing draught in it. It was hardly enough, but it took the edge off his pain and he felt okay enough to get up and go shower.

The water that ran down the drain was the colour of rust. Sirius didn’t try to move too much, and even still it slowly changed from rust to blood red before long, and he had to sit on the edge of the tub for several minutes before he could wrap himself in a towel and retreat to his room again.

When Arcturus visited him in an hour or so, he noticed the problem and used a spell Sirius didn’t know. The ache in his back suddenly eased so much he thought it had vanished at first.

“Get up, I need to clean your sheets again. You should have told one of us you were going to wash, you reopened the wounds.”

“I don’t need another audience,” Sirius snapped. He got up anyways, clutching the towel to his waist, and let Arcturus finish cleaning up the bed before he dropped back down on it. “What’d you do to my back?”

“Healing spell. I’ll inform your parents, it’s more than time for you to be preparing for the wedding, it’s in three days.”

Sirius choked. “What? She...” He cut himself off. Of course she’d agreed after that. A bone breaker curse – there was four or five spells that fell under the category, with varying grades of severity – could be crippling, with sometimes little chance for mitigation. Bellatrix not being able to get around on her own was a horrifying thought.

“Yes, she did.” Arcturus raised his eyebrows. “And so did you.”

“Why did it matter so much anyways?” Sirius muttered.

“The spells used on the wedding day require that the engagement be mutually agreed to. No, it doesn’t matter if it was under duress or not, but you have to actually get the agreement for them to take and it has to be without magical coercion.”

As much as he’d suspected that was the case, Sirius still seethed at the thought of being tricked into it. Even had he known, it wouldn’t have done any good; they had been fully prepared to hold out until they agreed. The thought of what might have happened to him if he had held over until Christmas Eve was mind-numbingly horrible in a way that being trapped with Cygnus after couldn’t compare to.

He just wished they’d stop reminding him of it like it was going to change his mind about anything now.

“Is there anything else I need to have ready for then?” Sirius grumbled.

“No. We’re getting you dress robes and summoning an official to fill out the paperwork here. We’ll hold it in the drawing room with the family present, and then if neither of you causes a scene, there will be a small feast downstairs.”

“Great,” Sirius muttered. “Thanks a lot.”

Arcturus didn’t bother to respond to that.

It was the shortest three days of his life. The next evening, Bellatrix joined them for dinner the first time that holiday, leading to the quietest dinner Sirius had ever had with his family. She didn’t speak; neither did Narcissa. The only argument all dinner was about which official they’d gotten to do the vows, as every full adult in the family didn’t dare remove their hands from their wands.

The reminder that he had three days left until his wedding additionally meant that there was less than a week until they returned to Hogwarts. Sirius had barely gotten any of his homework done; he didn’t find any desire to care about it now, but it was something with which to fill his days and keep him in his room and away from family.

The morning of the thirtieth dawned grey and raining. The official wasn’t coming until evening. Sirius thought about trying to eat and decided against it in the morning; he pulled out his Transfiguration textbook and looked not at the current year’s work but ahead to where he’d stuffed a paper with his notes on how to turn into an animagus. He and James had been working on it for over a year; looking at his friend’s handwriting was a brief comfort, a reassurance that he had a life he wanted to get back to at school.

Once this wedding was over, they had no reason to keep him here after the end of the holidays. He just couldn’t think about what the wedding was going to entail.

That thought got him up and out of bed within the next hour, dressed and showered and downstairs before anyone felt the need to come interrupt him in his room. Bellatrix looked up as he came into the dining room, turned to her sister and left. She was walking fine, if a little gingerly, and sometimes had to grab onto her sister’s arm for balance. He saw Arcturus watching them leave, and then his notebook came out and he started to write.

“You saw the spell used, correct?” he asked.

Sirius fought not to groan and just nodded. “Yes. It was a dark blue spell; I couldn’t hear if he’d used an incantation or not. The results were – obvious.”

“And Narcissa vanished the long bones and gave her skelegrow?”

“That’s what she said.”

“So most likely the damage to the internal tissues remained, even if she avoided the difficulty of trying to force the bones to mend... Crude, but effective.”

“Well I guess so...” Sirius beckoned for Kreacher to bring him a plate of food and just started to eat, hoping Arcturus would stop asking. He didn’t envy whoever he decided to test his thoughtful expression out on. He wondered, bitterly, if he was going to wind up being it if he pissed them off again that afternoon.

“I must ask Cygnus which bonebreaker curse he knows best...”

“Good luck.” His uncle’s temper was still touchy and violent; Sirius had been pushed down a flight of stairs once already since Christmas, and had avoided him as much as possible since then. There’d been no mention of the letter he’s written, however, and he wondered if Orion had even told anyone else.

“Have you decided which spell to use for your wedding night?”

His food turned to clay in his mouth, and he swallowed with difficulty. “Yes,” he said, nervously. “I looked up a few.”

“You’ve been reading _The Delicate Arts of Love,_ haven’t you?”

“Sometimes,” Sirius admitted, feeling a kind of quiet roar in his ears that left him faint. “We also had _Happy Wife, Happy Life_ that looked like it actually covered something relevant.”

“But not _The Wizard Sutras_?”

“That didn’t look like it bothered much with, er, basic spells for sex,” Sirius went scarlet even remembering its diagrams. “And most of the incantations were written in Sanskrit. I figured the first two were going to be easier for me to use.”

He could _read_ Sanskrit, they had enough books sent by squib relatives who’d taken military duty there for the Empire, but that didn’t mean he always _wanted_ to, especially not on that subject.

Arcturus snorted. “So, you’ve gotten some familiarity with the spells they recommend?” He made an unhappy face. “It will just be your father and Druella attending the consummation; it had been intended to be both sets of parents, but after Cygnus’s behavior it was decided he could not attend and we didn’t wish it to be made unfair by having both of yours and only one of hers. Pollux had no interest in taking his place. Two witnesses are sufficient.”

“Oh.” Sirius swallowed and tried not to look as relieved as he felt; it wasn’t much. He mostly just felt nauseous whenever he remembered that detail. “That’s good – that you came to an agreement, I mean. I guess.”

“Yes, it is.” Arcturus bent back over his notebook and wrote several notes down, interrupting himself only to ask Sirius the exact spells he’d been practicing. Deciding answering was most likely to be the shortest possible conversation about this, he simply told him.

“After, you must tell me which one you did. I’ll be supervising the success of the spells required for the marriage, and that may affect our results.”

“Great. I’ll be sure to let you know,” Sirius abandoned his mostly empty plate to retreat once again to his room before Arcturus asked him to _demonstrate_.

With a late breakfast, and an early dinner planned, Sirius remained in his room until his mother knocked on his door and opened it, to thrust dress robes into his arms.

“Get dressed, the official is downstairs having tea.” She remained inside the door and watching him; Sirius changed, as asked, although she stopped him once he took off his current robes. “Put on one of those awful t-shirts before you wear that, if your scabs bleed I don’t want it getting on the linen.”

Sirius fought not to roll his eyes, but was happy to put on his most offensive – and black – _Sex Pistols_ t-shirt before he finished dressing. The robes were a dark, shimmering black that was definitely not pure linen – he’d guess linen and silk combined, or something like that. There were trousers that went with it as underclothes (to protect the modesty of his ankles, he supposed,) and new shoes.

His mother followed him to the bathroom, but let him handle his own hair. The simplest option he wanted to wear was a French braid that gave the illusion it was shorter than it was, a compromise close to the classic pureblood fashion of loose with the top pulled back. The image got a short sniff, which from her was the height of approval.

It also meant that it would be harder for anyone that day to drag him around by the hair, and if he was about to be forced into sex with his cousin that felt somehow very important.

They arrived in the drawing room before anyone else. Sirius threw himself down into one of the chairs and waited, staring blankly at the wall as though it would at some point resolve itself into the official. Family members trickled in slowly, although it did not, he noticed, include his brother or Narcissa at any point. The official came in, talking animatedly with Druella and leading Bellatrix, who was also dressed in dark dress robes that looked almost like the twin of Sirius’. As she passed in front of the fire, however, he watched the light draw our flecks of blue and realized she was wearing a deep navy blue instead.

He stood up as she approached, then bowed. Bellatrix waited for him to straighten again, then gave him a curtsey back, her mouth in a twisted little smile.

“Cousin,” she said. “It’s good to see you.”

“An honour,” Sirius said back.

The official gave a little laugh. “What an excellent way to begin. Please, will you all gather ‘round?” he asked.

Sirius turned to face him, his back prickling at having his family at his back. Bellatrix did the same.

“This is a review of the marriage contract and its signing, to create a legally binding marriage between Sirius Orion and Bellatrix Druella. I have before me the provisions agreed upon by your parents and wish you to review and sign.”

Sirius was presented the copy first. He glanced down it, while knowing that the official was reading it out, but there were no surprises. He’d found out all that information in the meantime. When the official produced the quill however, his father stepped up and took it to sign. The official didn’t stop him; Sirius had to close his eyes a moment on brief rage. He’d forgotten for a moment he was still a legal minor.

The contract was passed to Bellatrix, who didn’t even make a pretense to read it before she signed and handed it back, her expression blank.

“Thank you,” the official looked over the document, rolled it up and vanished it. “You two are embarking together on a journey that will hopefully bring you fruitfulness and joy! This is an important time of your lives and...”

Sirius couldn’t listen, still seething with anger at not even being allowed to sign his own marriage contract. The speech was, at least, brief, and his parents asked for and received a copy of the marriage certificate before he left. From there, Arcturus took over proceedings, rolling out the parchment again and tapping it briefly with his wand to make it lay flat.

“Both of you, take hands,” he said.

Sirius reluctantly raised his right hand; Bellatrix lay her left over it, still staring straight ahead with a blank look in her eyes. He wondered briefly if she was under the Imperius but Arcturus had said earlier that her consent couldn’t be coerced – or did that not matter at this point, once they go her to agree once?

Arcturus tapped their hands, and a red ribbon appeared and bound them tightly together. Sirius felt a dart of pain on the back of his hand, and saw, through the ribbon on Bellatrix’s, a spot of blood form.

The spells, it seemed, were quick to begin; Arcturus recited two or three phrases in a language Sirius didn’t know, then rolled up the contract again and bound it with the bloodied ribbon. Once that was sealed with wax, he stood up and handed the paper to his son. “Did you decide which room to use?”

“Mine,” his father said. “There’s the most space. Come.”

Sirius took a moment to start walking again, rubbing his hand where the blood had been taken. The mark was almost invisible on his skin, but his hand hurt like it had been something much larger. He lingered long enough Arcturus asked him if he needed anything, and that finally got him to join the group waiting at the door to go up one floor.

It was a small relief, to leave behind most of their family outside the room. Sirius went in and walked with his father to the far side of his bed, feeling overwhelmed and like nothing at all.

He’d rarely been in his father’s rooms before. The bed was large, and there was bookshelves on all the walls, and a desk by the window. The décor was largely silver and white, and very restrained. The rooms looked lived in by a different person than the rest of the house evoked.

“Sirius,” his father said. “Do you need help undressing?”

Sirius flinched back from him and mumbled something before he pulled his robes up over his head, then stripped out of his trousers. He didn’t want to take off his shirt. It felt inane to find it comforting, but if he could just have one thing, it was that he didn’t want to be naked.

His father took hold of the sleeve and tugged it up over his head, raking roughly at the lingering welts on his back. “Stop stalling.”

Sirius finished stripping out of his pants and turned back to the bed.

Bellatrix was sitting delicately on the edge of the bed, glaring at her mother. Her hands were shaking slightly in her lap, and Sirius worried that her presence in the Drawing Room _had_ been coerced, but what was there he could do now?

He was less surprised to see her bruised and cut like he was, and there on her left arm was the Dark Mark. Sirius hesitantly moved closer to her and smiled nervously, unsure how to start.

“Go,” Aunt Druella snapped. “You’re fortunate he doesn’t care if you’ve let anyone who wants you mark you up already.”

“Druella,” Orion groaned.

“What, it’s not enough for him to take her virginity, he has to leave that ghastly mark as his idea of a morning gift?”

Bellatrix’s eyes darkened, but she just shifted herself further back on the bed and turned to look at him, a wildly unhappy look on her face. “Sirius.”

“Bella,” he said quietly, kneeling awkwardly as he tried to figure out what to do. His cousin was taller than him, her hair long and thick and shining black. He knew, objectively, she was beautiful but this felt nothing like people claimed it should when you looked at a beautiful woman. He could only remember what it felt like to be spun around when she was the only one welcoming him home from Hogwarts for Christmas first year.

“It’s time,” Orion said. “Bellatrix, if you would please lay down I imagine that will make this simplest.”

“As you wish, Uncle,” she said. “Sirius, do you have a – preference?”

Her voice sounded like her, when she addressed him. He swallowed and kind of shook his head, but when she looked like she might turn over on the bed he stopped her and just caught her arm. She stopped, raised her hand to his, then lay back down, still holding his hand close.

That felt reassuring; it felt r _eal,_ when everything in the room seemed blurred and distant. He clung to her hand and fumbled with his wand, trying to remember the spell frantically. He caught her eyes and Bellatrix exhaled slowly and leaned up to whisper the incantation to him in his ear.

How she knew it, he didn’t care right then. He closed his eyes and cast the spell, hoping beyond anything else he could just get it over with.

He’d fear he was hurting her, crushing her hand in his, but her grip was just as tight back.


	9. Chapter 9

After the consummation – after dinner, seated in silence, barely dressed after their time together in his father’s room – Sirius went upstairs and hid in the shower. He waited, desperately, to feel... something. Anything, again.

It was over. The nightmare of this holiday would, hopefully, end, if he could just get away from them in four days when the train left that Friday.

He was married.

He was sure that wasn’t how the wedding night was supposed to go. He’d struggled not to cry, not to lose his focus, not to choke on his own disgust and fear he was hurting his cousin... but he’d gotten through it without his father or anyone else’s “help.” Bellatrix had pushed him off her once it was done and they’d both gotten dressed; his father had confirmed the spells were complete and let them have a few minutes to compose themselves before they left his rooms.

The water was hot on his face and back. He hadn’t bothered to unbraid his hair and it lay heavy on the crown of his head, soaked through. His skin was hot and as long as the water ran over it, it didn’t keep crawling.

He wasn’t sure he could remember when he’d slept last. The last day felt like it lay in pieces and he didn’t know where one started and the next began anymore.

Someone knocked on the door, once then twice. Sirius got up and turned off the shower on reflex, wrapped his waist in a towel and went to the door.

Regulus was waiting outside, his eyes on the ground.

“What is it?” Sirius asked.

“I need the bathroom,” he muttered.

Sirius almost asked him why he didn’t go downstairs, then he remembered who was there, and that he didn’t know how long he’d been sitting under the water. Bellatrix – or Narcissa – might have sent him to check on him.

He didn’t answer, just pulled the door the rest of the way open and went into his room to finish drying off, as best he could, there. He ignored his wet hair and pulled on jeans and a t-shirt before dropping, facedown, into bed.

It was hard to care about anything; he couldn’t even feel hope or excitement about the end of the week coming... He wanted to go to sleep, but he doubted he’d could even manage that. Still, there was nothing else he wanted to do so he simply lay in bed and waited as the night grew darker.

He didn’t know how late it was when he heard his door open. Sirius pushed himself up in bed and brandished his wand; he thought _Lumos_ , and startled as the light illuminated Bellatrix coming towards him, a wand – her own wand – in hand.

“What is it?” Sirius asked.

Bellatrix put a finger to her mouth, then cast a series of spells on the room around them before she sat down on his bed almost but not quite touching him. Sirius wanted to reach out, to hold her hand again, but he’d hurt her enough already.

“We needed time to talk,” she said, smiling a little darkly. “Are you alright?”

“No,” Sirius said honestly. “But I’m going back to school, so... I’ll be fine.”

He knew he was lying as he said it, but Bellatrix just nodded as though she’d expected his answer. “You’ll get to see your friends soon.”

“I wrote to Lestrange,” Sirius said, hoarsely. “I hope he can... figure out what to do.”

“I know,” Bellatrix said. She turned and started to raise her arm, as if to hug him, then stopped, looking at him with worry herself.

Sirius turned and buried his face in her shoulder, relieved beyond words. Touching her was a relief, a breathless piece of safety in this house. “I’m sorry,” he whispered hoarsely. “Merlin, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you...”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Bellatrix said. “I know you didn’t want to do it. Don’t blame yourself.”

“Whatever they made me tell you to do at dinner, forget it. Just forget it. I didn’t mean it, I don’t want to trap you here.”

He felt the tension leave her, and he knew he’d remembered correctly that sometime during the meal they’d been instructing him on what to do with the obedience spells they’d used. He’d complied with them at the time, because he could still feel the point of Pollux’s wand pressed into the side of his neck. (The braid hadn’t helped, and Sirius suddenly viciously wanted to cut off all his hair.)

“If you can get a hold of the book or Arcturus’ notes on it, we should be able to get rid of some of the other spells right?”

“Yes,” Bellatrix said. “Did you see the book it was?”

“ _Moste Anciente Familyes_ , Arcturus said it was from the 14th century and it’s spelled like it. It’s an heirloom book, they’re illegal now. You might have to ask your friends if they have one.”

“I will,” she nodded, quiet and thoughtful. “There will be someone who has another copy. At least the fidelity charm they used looked simple to undo.”

Sirius fought down a giddy noise. “That’s good, I guess. I don’t want to be responsible for your sex life.”

Bellatrix’s left sleeve had ridden up when she wrapped her arm around him, and Sirius could see the edge of her mark again.

"Can I see it?" he asked. She was never undressed enough around him normally for him to know for sure she had it or not, and he'd been a little too distracted to be sure either at that time.

Bellatrix startled briefly, then pushed her sleeve the rest of the way up without speaking. Sirius nestled further against her side, feeling a lot younger than he knew he was, and ran a hand lightly over the lines. To his surprise, they were raised like a scar beneath the blackness of the image: a shaded skull, its jaw hanging open to release a snake wrapped around itself. It was half as long as her forearm and wide, but she'd never have worn anything that exposed that much skin anyways.

Good pureblood women dressed modestly, so nobody ever knew who was hiding bruises if a husband bothered to be careful about it, but mostly because only poor people were supposed to sweat and worry about sleeves or long hems getting caught in the way of work.

"I didn't think it'd be a scar," he said.

"It's a brand," Bellatrix said. "Part of... the initiation, is accepting the pain."

Sirius laughed weakly. "That sounds morbid. What is it like, though? The initiation..."

Bellatrix took a minute to answer and Sirius had a brief, awful moment to wonder what it was she was trying not to tell him about it.

"It was powerful, for me," she said, her tone careful. "To finally be able to swear loyalty to him and to all the others. It was... there was witnesses, of course, and a set task to complete, often determined by the group and if you were successful you knelt to the Dark Lord and he'd give you the mark. If you could stand the pain. It was an honour, to take it, for me. To someone who I could believe in.

"They were something better than our family. More trustworthy, who valued me as I was not for who I could marry or because I was taking care of you when they didn't want to bother."

She was stroking his hair again, and started pulling it out of the braid for him, so he didn't even try to move. He knew she was editing her answer for him. They'd been arguing about what he could see in the news for the past year, since he had gotten old enough to realize what was going on—that people were dying, and it was related to the reason his cousin had suddenly become terrifying to their family. They hadn't needed a babysitter _that_ badly, as to let her go after Andy ran away.

With his hair loose, she paused her stroking and asked, "Have you ever picked up the book in the library, _Of Mind and Magic_?"

"Mm? No," Sirius admitted. "It's locked shut isn't it?"

"The lock isn't that hard to open. It will be – helpful, for our situation. It has a chapter on a technique to resist magical compulsion, to block out people invading your mind."

Sirius paused for several seconds as her words sank in. "But I can't give you orders under that."

"Giving me orders isn't the only thing they want us to do," Bellatrix said grimly. "It'd be hard for me to carry on my work outside the home if I was pregnant, and they do care at least a little that it be  _your_ child not one of theirs."

Sirius went dead silent against her, too numb with horror to respond. If he had to touch her like that again... Maybe she'd kill him if he asked her to, but he figured right now she wasn't going to be in the mood. "Okay," he said, a little breathless. "How much practice does it take?"

Bellatrix looked him over and nodded briefly before she excused herself. Sirius got up and pulled one of his large sweatshirts over his head, leaving him swimming in it but feeling better for the weight on his shoulders and arms.

When she came back, she had with her a large tome that was indeed the one he remembered, a dark blue cover and a lock.

"What's it do, anyways?" Sirius asked. He sat next to her on the bed again once she was settled and watched her open it; it wasn't a difficult lock, _Alohamora_ appeared to be sufficient.

"It can be hard to stop reading it," Bellatrix shrugged and rifled through the pages until she found the chapter she wanted. "Here."

Compared to the other books in their lock-up, that was positively mild so Sirius took the book without concern and started to read. The chapter she'd handed him was titled  _The Open and Closed Mind: Legilimency and Occlumency_ . Despite his exhaustion, he started reading it intently, curled up against her side with his hair damp on his cheeks. He forgot he was sore and achy, and his whirling thoughts went quiet. 

The chapter seemed to go by so quickly it was a shock to realize he was on the last page. The last paragraph was set off from the rest by a few spaces.

 

_If you are truly inclined to learn these skills of mastering your mind and that of others, you must first practice your capacity to push past any compulsion regardless of your current state of being. As such, you should learn, first of all, to close this book._

 

That seemed like a pointless addition. Why would you write a book and then tell people to stop reading it? Sirius started to turn to the next page, then stopped.

He'd only been reading the book to read the one chapter, right? Why would he keep reading? He didn't even know if the next chapter was relevant. He glanced at the new chapter title briefly –  _The Dance of Power and Resistance: A More Refined Use of the Imperius Curse –_ and the first few lines were clear it was talking to an audience he assumed wanted to use it themselves.

He was never going to use  _that_ . What did he need to keep reading for? His mind kept trying to come up with reasons – it might be useful to read the chapter just to know what to expect to defend himself against – but he was tired and he really just didn't want to. He closed his eyes and pressed a hand to his face in exhaustion, and the book was suddenly lifted out of his lap and closed.

"You did much better than I'd hoped," Bellatrix said. "I'd suspected you were going to already be inclined to resist well."

Sirius jumped; he'd forgotten she was _there_ with him, while he'd read. He looked around the room in brief panic, before he could remind himself that if Bellatrix was there, she wouldn't have let anyone else come in on them while he was distracted. "What do you mean?"

"You likely would've defeated the book's compulsion, given the time, but I didn't think you needed to exhaust yourself more tonight. How much do you remember of what you read?"

"Some of it," Sirius admitted. The words were less clear now, with the book closed, but he had retained bits and pieces. "You want me to learn Occlumency?"

"Yes," Bellatrix inclined her head. "It's... in some ways, a more refined way to resist the Imperius curse and there are other benefits as well. You're already able to fight similar compulsions by default, so it shouldn't be hard."

Sirius made a face again. "Do I need to reread the book?"

"Only if you think you need to."

He felt like he should, even if he was eyeing it now with distaste. He didn't remember enough to really prepare for actually doing it... and, even away from the compulsion now, he was tempted to read the next chapter because if he was going to risk being put under it he might want to know what to expect.

She seemed to read his answer off his face. "I'll put it back in the library for now. You shouldn't read it alone until you're good at setting it aside by yourself. I'll bring it when I next get the chance to see you."

"Yeah, sure," Sirius said. He smiled, even though he didn't really feel much like smiling. "Thanks."


	10. Chapter 10

To Sirius' surprise, it didn't wind up being hard to find time to practice with Bellatrix. The next morning as he came down to breakfast, Pollux asked him directly if he felt ready to start trying for a child before he went back to Hogwarts. Sirius choked on his food, coughed violently, and made some excuse before fleeing upstairs with his food.

Less than an hour later, Bellatrix came to join him, visibly furious and brandishing _Of Mind and Magic_ like a shield. She shut the door and magically locked it behind her.

"We have an hour or two before they wonder," she said briskly, livid anger clearly tucked behind her tense face. "My mother has firmly reminded me I am too old to wait to have children, and as I will not see you again until Easter Break at the earliest we should make the most of the time we have now. Here, you wanted the chance to reread. Did you sleep at all last night?"

"A little," Sirius admitted. His plate from breakfast had already been cleared away by Kreacher, so Sirius just accepted the book and unlocked it. He skimmed the table of contents before he let it drag him back to the chapter in question, realizing with some unease the book talked about casting and technique of all three of the Unforgiveables. He didn't think _any_ of the spells in this book were unrestricted.

The table of contents wasn't that interesting, for all it called the Cruciatus ' _An Exquisite Symphony of Pain,_ ' so he turned to the middle of the book and the chapter he wanted to read. He was two pages in before he realized he should be taking notes, but he couldn't pull himself away enough to get paper and a quill.

"What do you need?" Bellatrix asked.

"Paper... Notes?" He glanced up at her, half-smiling. "I should probably not have to reread this if I don't have to later."

She nodded and retrieved both of him, then balanced it on a book in her own lap. "Tell me what to write."

He read out snippets to her and his own thoughts as they came to him, relieved to not have to try and split his attention so much. When he reached the final paragraph of the chapter this time around, he closed his eyes and breathed slowly, thinking about what it had said about the ideal state to be in - a quiet, focused mind, with clarity of purpose. At the moment, of being done reading.

After another minute of not quite being able to break free enough to shut the book, Bellatrix did so for him and took it off his lap. He looked up at her, a little giddy even if he hadn't quite succeeded.

"That was a lot better, the second time, right?" he said.

"It was." She smiled tiredly at him. "What do you want to do for practice?"

"Well, uh." Sirius paused. "Can you _use_ Legilimency?"

"Not as well as I can the Imperius curse, but that might not hurt for you to practice against either." She pursed her lips thoughtfully and nodded. "Which would you rather do?"

"I don't want you using an Unforgiveable on me," Sirius said, uncaring that it was Bellatrix and he normally trusted her. The thought made his stomach clench and his gut roll. If he let her try, he'd have to wonder why she knew it in the first place besides just having read the damn book.

"Very well," she nodded. "Take five minutes to prepare yourself."

Sirius picked up his notes uneasily and reread her handwriting, uncertain what he wanted to do. How did you find clarity of purpose in defence? Would it help if he knew what she was going to be aiming at or would that just make it worse? He could probably ask her, but he couldn't think of what he wanted to say.

He still wasn't sure when Bellatrix softly said his name and he looked up and caught her eyes. Memory flashed – he was tutoring a first year in the levitation charm, showing her how to throw balls of crumpled parchment into the dorm room fire – Ursula Bones, in his year but Hufflepuff, had put her hands on his hips outside the greenhouses and was grinning and telling him she liked to watch him in class – he and James were laughing uproariously and Snape was trying to find the countercharm to the knot they'd jinxed into his robes - He was sitting in the Gryffindor common room and watching Remus as he reread his essay by the fire, his hands soft on his quill with all his little scars --

Bellatrix yelped, and Sirius jerked in place. He was holding his wand and didn't remember picking it up or what he'd just cast; he simply felt intense relief she hadn't seen anything _else_ about Remus then.

"I wasn't _trying_ to spy on your crush," Bellatrix said defensively.

"I'm not crushing on him," Sirius said, knowing his face was heating up as he did. "I just don't like you spying on my friends."

"Well I was hoping I'd hit on something that would make you throw me out." She countered the jinx and her face relaxed out of pain. "So that might be our best bet. Prepare yourself."

Prepare for what? Sirius thought furiously, and then he caught her eyes by accident and the swelter of memories began again. He was still jumpy, still furious – he was cheering James on at a Quidditch match and nearly fell into Remus next to him. His friend pushed him back upright and held his hand and – Bellatrix swore this time, rather than yelped, and Sirius knew he was shaking on the bed.

They were silent for about a minute as Bellatrix tried to remember the countercharm to the little pustules on her hands. Sirius thought it was one of the Sanskrit spells he'd read about, but couldn't be sure and he wasn't feeling charitable enough to suggest it.

"I think we can say that you have the aptitude for throwing off an attack fairly easily here," she said once that was done. "Now, it will likely be better for you to practice something more subtle. You should stop trying to punch me in the face for it, but let your memories slide away so that no one knows they're being deflected."

"So try to look at something that doesn't make me _want_ to hit you," Sirius snapped. He was flustered and uncomfortable, and he knew that was making it harder to stay calm.

"Alright. I'm going to look for memories of your friend James, if that's acceptable?" she said. When he nodded, she carried on briskly. "Don't show me him. I'll give you five minutes to think of how to do that."

Plan how to not show her what he knew she was looking for? Sirius looked over his notes again but he hadn't really taken down much about how to do the technique she'd described, only on how to repel the attack. He thought he had some guesses, but he wouldn't know until they actually started to try.

They carried on for another hour before Sirius had a migraine and Bellatrix decided staying in private any longer might incite worse comments later that day. She left him the book, and Sirius hid it as best he could before he went back to working on his homework, a headache pounding at the back of his mind.

They got more practice in, once or twice each day, and Sirius did his best to look happy about their supposed trysts. Mostly he managed embarrassed, and at one point his father tried to reassure him that doing his duty was important even if it wasn’t pleasant and Sirius begged off before he learned anything else about his parents he had never really wanted to know.

By the time he was packing up his knapsack for the trip back to Hogwarts, he’d taken much more extensive notes on the chapter in _Of Mind and Magic_ , and skimmed some of the others, including the one on the Imperius charm so he would know what he was going to be up against if anyone tried. It had been surprisingly useful about that; the book talked a lot about how people resisted and tricks to overcome it, which meant it told him what he would be fighting _against_.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t take any of the books from the library with him back to school, so all he would have was his notes. He packed those carefully and wiped the pages clean without the password to make them show themselves, then looked around his room again feeling a little lost.

He was going back to Hogwarts tomorrow. Another few months of blissful relief, away from his miserable family. A few months to practice for when he came back and they tried to make him bring Bellatrix home and obey.

He was not looking forward to it at all.

There was one more dinner before he went, at which he and Bellatrix were both given wedding presents from their family and the select few others they’d told about what had happened. The Malfoy’s sent him new dress robes; Pollux gifted him a copy of _Happy Wife_ , Arcturus, a book called _Atlas of British Wizard Families_ about the history of pureblood marriage and family magic, presumably based off his expressed interest in the magic used to seal their marriage. His mother and father had bought him a new school trunk, with improved locks.

Bellatrix had gotten similar gifts: new robes from the Malfoys, jewelry from her Rosier grandparents, a book on family management from Arcturus, and one on politics from Pollux. Her father had refused to get her anything, and her mother had apparently stood with him on that front. Sirius’s father had bought her a locking diary; his mother, a witch’s 'personal care' kit.

“I’m sure after how much time you two have had together, you’ll be clearly missing him sorely once he’s back at school.”

Sirius and Bellatrix carefully did not catch each other’s eyes. The gifts were put away; Sirius had no intention of using a trunk his parents had likely put a backdoor lock into, so he left it upstairs with most of the other gifts inside it, save for Arcturus’ which might still be useful. Then, he went downstairs for the last of their family meals.


	11. Chapter 11

The family meal in question was tense in a different way than many others had been, and as Pollux got more and more drunk Bellatrix grew just as tense. Narcissa’s hand wandered towards her wand, and Sirius feared it was about to turn into a firefight.

“ Mum,” Sirius asked in an undertone. “Mum, could I go - take Bella upstairs to - because I'm leaving tomorrow?”

Walburga, already into her fourth glass of wine, waved him off with another sarcastic little smile. “Truly, if only your father had ever been so enthusiastic.”

Sirius got up and took Bellatrix’s hand, to pull her up and out of the room after him. She jumped at the touch, but when she looked up and saw him she relaxed.

“ Where do you think you're going?” Pollux growled. Sirius froze, staring at him and his raised wand; Bellatrix stepped up, to put herself between them, but Walburga beat them to it. The air between them and Pollux turned to wavy glass. 

“ Oh Morgana’s tits, Father, let them spend the night together.” She sneered. “You had enough time with her before Christmas, didn’t you? My son deserves his own heirs, not  _ yours. _ ”

Sirius tugged on Bellatrix’s hand hard and she finally started moving again, out of the room and away from Pollux rising from his seat with Hell in his eyes. They could hear the shouting as they mounted the stairs to the second floor, and the footsteps behind them that suggested Reggie and Narcissa were following them out.

Sirius didn't relax until he was shut inside his own room; he hesitated, then offered Bellatrix his wand. “In case one of them follows…”

She took it after a moment and cast three or four spells on the door before dropping to his bed. “I will kill them, one day,” she said.

“I hope so,” Sirius sighed and collapsed to the bed next to her. She reached out to him and he leaned into her side, reassured she was solid and _there_ and in one piece.

It didn't seem possible that it had only been a couple weeks. It felt like years had flashed by, in pain and fear.

“ ...I should think of something else, so I don't try to go kill them now.”

“I can get out _Of Mind and Magic_ again?” Sirius dug into his bed for it, into a slit in the mattress he’d finally gotten an expansion charm to work on, and sat back down with her. A nagging curiosity made him ask, “Why do you have practice with the Imperius Curse anyways?”

“ It can be useful for interrogation if someone has little resistance to it,” she said. “Were you reading about it?”

“ Yeah. I remember you said you're better with it than Legilimency, so…” He skimmed the chapters again, but there wasn't anything in particular he wanted to revisit, it was just something to talk about. “And if I know what to expect I might do better fighting it.”

“ Yes,” Bella hugged his shoulders tighter. “We should talk about where you'll go this summer… But there will be time to make those plans later.”

Sirius paused. He'd not really considered that he might just not go home again, but now that it had been suggested of course it made sense. “What about you?” He was shivering a little at the thought of leaving her alone. “How are you going to get out? Do you think they'd let you see me off on the train?”

“ Without you here, it will be easier for me to leave,” she shrugged against him. “Even if they have to do a full out assault, we have enough spare cousins one should be accessible to neutralize the worst wards…”

Sirius paused, breathless with brief horror. He didn't know what to say, and in his silence Bellatrix kept talking.

“ Once they no longer have any hostages – which is effectively what you and Reggie are right now – my friends can risk more dangerous tactics against the house…” 

“ I hope they don't have to kill anyone,” Sirius mumbled.

“ The only people they're likely to hurt are our parents,” Bella said.

“ Yeah, like they're gonna just ask nicely for a cousin to bleed on the wards. Maybe if it was Andy, but she’s a blood traitor like me.”

Bellatrix was silent for several breaths. Sirius was afraid to look up and find out why – was she horrified at the thought? Had she forgotten Andy was one of the family members currently largely unprotected? She and Andy were the eldest cousins of their families, older than Narcissa by six years; they'd raised the rest of them together. He rarely said her name now, as it almost always upset Bellatrix to hear it, but... 

If she wanted to talk about killing their extended family to get them out, he didn't want it to be _anyone_ , but he was pretty sure Bella didn't want it to be _her_.

"I trust Lestrange will know what he's doing," Bellatrix said, before the silence stretched too far. "He wouldn't want to risk a full assault unless we can't think of anything else."

"Good." Sirius knew he was shaking and didn't try to hide it. "I don't understand how you can trust them so much..."

"Because I believe them, when they say they care about me, because they act like it." She was stroking his hair. "They're nothing like our parents, Sirius, they value what we are like, what skills we have, and what we want not just how valuable a bargaining chip we will be in games of status."

"As long as you don't want to know anything about muggles or give a damn about a muggleborns or your relatives who just don't have magic," Sirius snapped.

Bellatrix sighed, her hand still in his hair. "You don't understand Sirius. They bring with them ideas that aren't going to help, the same way that our family is so stuck obsessing over the tapestry on the wall that they don't want to see what it's done to our family. They don't see the damage they've done to you and Andy, much less Narcissa and Regulus."

Sirius wanted to ask what she thought was wrong with him and Andy, but he feared what she'd say to answer. He knew they were both blood traitors, had turned their backs on status games and their birthright. Andromeda had fled rather than marry her fiance, to whom she'd been promised since she was fourteen; Sirius, well. He was a Gryffindor.

He didn't want to find out she'd lied when she'd welcomed him home for Christmas.

She wasn't well, he told himself. His mother had shaken her, saying what she did at dinner. If she wasn't thinking clearly, he shouldn't ask her anything she'd regret saying later, if there was something else she should add.

He was tempted to ask her, again, what she thought she was doing, teaching him to resist legilimency and the Imperius curse, tools he was very sure she and her friends relied heavily on to achieve their goals, and... he couldn't do it.

He admitted to himself he didn't want to know.

"I should try to sleep," he said instead. "I have to catch the train tomorrow."

Bellatrix nodded quietly, already half-asleep herself. As they had at some point each night the last few days, Sirius curled up against her and let himself drift - if not to sleep, then something resembling it, reassured seeing his wand in her hand in case someone tried to barge in.

In the morning, he got up and ate breakfast with the rest of their family, minus Bellatrix who had been shut in her room. Reminding himself she had more options once he was gone, Sirius had stifled the urge to object and made himself eat. He hinted, repeatedly, he just wanted to leave; his offer to go by himself via the London underground or Knight Bus was ignored until finally his mother stood up and beckoned him and his brother over to her.

“Come with me, we’re going now.”

Sirius swallowed his and got up, head down, to follow her out the front door, hefting his backpack higher on his shoulders. Regulus followed them, just as unhappily. She took them out to the front entry, then took hold of each of their arms tightly and apparated them to the alley near the train station. Sirius jerked his arm free of her hold and hesitated before he made her angrier.

She said nothing of his behavior and started towards the platform. Sirius followed, quiet, resentful, and counting his steps until they were through the barrier and waiting for the train. Regulus had his trunk on a cart and wasn’t speaking either, waiting with a similar air of hoping to get this over with soon.

Their mother kissed Regulus on both cheeks and hugged him tightly before sending him off to find a compartment. She turned to Sirius then with a glare but stepped forward and repeated the same with him. Her kisses didn’t quite touch his cheeks; the gesture was perfunctory, a mockery of what was expected of a mother to her child.

“Don’t shame us any more than you must,” she said. “Goodbye.”

“Good bye,” Sirius said, then turned his back on her and got onto the train at the first entrance he saw. The halls were crammed with students making their way up and down the train, trying to find friends or relatives already seated. Sirius looked high and low for James, but he was early. Eventually, he gave up and chose an empty compartment and opened the window, looking out regularly in hopes of catching his attention.

Instead, he saw almost opposite his mother on the platform, Rodolphus Lestrange and his brother seeing off Leticia Parkinson, a distaff cousin. She was a first year and almost dancing with excitement it seemed to have them both there. Rabastan, the younger of the two, was talking to her, but Sirius noticed Rodolphus seemed to be scanning the train.

Guessing what he was looking for, Sirius opened his window and looked out, carefully not looking directly at him – his mother knew he was looking for James, after all. Only when he'd pulled his head back inside and shut the window did he look at the Lestranges again.

Rodolphus was looking straight back at him. Sirius nodded a little shakily and settled back in his seat, unsure he wanted to see more.

He hoped he'd get Bellatrix out soon. Until then, he hoped James would just show up so he could stop feeling like he was trapped or worse, sitting alone. What if James just didn't want to talk to him anymore?

He tried to tell himself that was ridiculous, he was obviously sleep deprived and irrational - he hadn't slept, not sounding, in three days again - but it was hard to convince himself.

He must have fallen asleep trying, because the next thing he knew he could hear someone in the compartment with him and he went for his wand before they spoke.

"Merlin's saggy nuts, Sirius, relax!" James laughed. "What're you falling asleep on the train already for?"

“Oh. It’s you.” Sirius dumped his back on the seat next to him, got up and hugged James as tightly as he could. “God it’s good to see you!”

James startled a little, then hugged him back, catching his shoulder lightly as he stepped back. Sirius shrugged his hand off and relaxed as it went.

“Man, you look like Hell. What happened to you?”

Sirius laughed and dropped back into his seat. “Was up late last night, we had a ton of fancy dinners to celebrate the engagement you know? I’m just still hungover, that’s all.”


End file.
